Let me start by saying…

I will never, ever, ever again go to an all-inclusive resort. NEVER. So while I try to make my posts include recommendations this one, will not.

This was the worst vacation. Ever.

Upon landing in Punta Cana, we were welcomed with a $10 charge per person for entering the country. No mention of what this charge was for, they were simply not letting people enter customs before forking over some cash. Second, the workers were very short with us. Perhaps it was the language barrier, or maybe Alex’s man bun, but either way, it was an unpleasant first impression. We found our pre-booked transportation and wearily walked to the unmarked white van.   From the airport to the resort, it was a bit depressing. There was garbage everywhere, and people seemed to just be. There were people standing around, everywhere, and I swear I saw a man standing alone in a field with what looked like an M16 (or the like). We got to our resort and there was literally a fence around it: one side, “paradise” the other side, slums. I immediately felt guilty for being there.

Location: Punta Cana, Dominica Republic
Hotel: Grand Bahia Principe Punta Cana “Golden Club”
Dates: 27 Nov – 1 Dec
Overall Ranking: D (for DON’T ever come here)

As part of the “Golden Club” we were promised welcome drinks, which must have drank themselves. The lady pointed us out to a man who would drive us to our room – and upon meeting him, he snidely said “go over there and wait”. We went, and after 10 minutes of nothing, we walked back and he said “I said go here”. By this point, my resting b*tch face had set in, as he wasn’t even attempting to be friendly. He drove us to our room (there’s constant shuttles going so this was not special treatment) and opened the door for us. We said thank you and waited for him to leave. Instead of leaving he lingered, took off his hat and waited for a tip. Having worked in the service industry for quite some time… I felt absolutely no obligation to tip if I don’t think it’s deserved. This man was rude and I didn’t feel the need to validate him.

It was around 6:15/6:30 so we decided to go to the buffet – as we were too late for any restaurant reservations. Friends, don’t take this lightly – the food was awful. They had about 30 – 40 options and they all were awful. Awful. Seriously, I just can’t believe how awful the food was.   After every meal I felt… weird… I progressively felt worse and worse after each meal.

The following 2 days included lying by the beach in overcast, rainy, windy and humid weather, eating as little as possible (did I mention the food was AWFUL) and drinking plenty of Miami Vices. While reaching for a beverage in my minibar, I was greeting by a flurry of cockroaches. I immediately called customer service, and an hour later they sent 5 people up. Upon overturning the dresser, they discovered all the cockroaches in all the land lived underneath my dresser.

We came to this resort for a friend’s wedding – which was actually quite nice. We had the morning and early afternoon before the wedding, and it was the first day of sun – so we went to the beach. Unfortunately, the beach and swimming area was inundated with ocean weeds making it quite miserable – and smelly.

They warn you not to drink the tap water (though they wash all the food in it…) and I am pretty sure they use reclaimed water to water the plants and the entire resort had a sewagey stank to it… like, bad. Walking home from the wedding reception, the stank was exceptionally bad. Once we got to the room, I sat down to upload some photos and got greeted by another cockroach. At this point… I’m on the verge of tears, but grateful to be leaving the following morning.

Following this event, into the morning we were supposed to head to Las Galeras, (“heaven” compared to here), my beau got extremely sick. Boo prides himself on never getting sick, so when he says he is sick… he’s sick. We went to the doctor on the resort, and he wanted $130 to answer the question “are these symptoms consistent with anything you have seen?” Seriously?? You’re charging people for a “consults”? Pathetic.

At this point, we decided it would be best to just head home. We had had such a terrible experience, had already checked out of the resort (though we couldn’t bear another day there anyway), and didn’t feel it was a good idea to travel 4+ hours by van and ferry to the next location – not knowing how sick boo really was.

After 22 hours, lots of money and refunds declined, we safely made it home. It has never, ever felt so good to be home.

12/3 – my birthday, still sick.

Woof.